Office Grumblings

I am participating in the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week where you can find posts by a bunch of other bloggers who happen to be dudes.

I spend most of my time working.  Monday through Friday I leave the house before 7am and usually get home around 7pm.  I work Friday and Saturday night at my part time job.  Consequently, outside of my family, most of my friends are in the office.

One of my coworkers is a guy who is about 20 years younger than I am.  We get along great.  Mainly because we are so much alike.  We like the same things, and the same things tend to easily irritate us.  I have had over 50 years to turn into a cranky old man.  Sometimes I wonder how bad my friend will get when he gets to be my age.

We work on the same floor as a couple other departments in our company.  We do not have a lot of interaction with the other departments, so we do not know very many of those folks by name.  Still, there are some of those folks who have somehow irritated us in some way, shape, or form.  Those people have earned nicknames from the two of us.

There is one guy on our floor that we refer to as "Mr. Personality."  He is an older looking guy with totally white hair.  He walks around with a cup of coffee and a perpetual scowl on his face.  There have been times when a group of us were in an elevator and all getting off on the same floor.  This guy will blast out of the elevator cutting everyone off while my friend and I let the ladies exit first.

There is another guy on our floor that we simply refer to as "Shredder."  He is a tall guy who actually looks a little bit like a young Glenn Beck.  The reason we call him "Shredder" is a particular habit that he has.  Like a lot of us, Shredder uses a paper towel to open the rest room door upon exit.  Unlike the rest of us, rather than throw the used towel in the trash, he places in the secure documents bin that get sent to the shredder.  It is like he is trying to hide something.

The last guy I will introduce you to is a guy we refer to as "Bathroom Boy."  Bathroom Boy would remind me of a minor Simpsons character if his skin were more yellow.  My company does a lot to try to conserve electricity.  They have switched over to LED lighting and the restroom lights are equipped with motion detectors so that if they do not detect movement over a period of time, about 10-15 minutes, the lighting will dim.

One morning, I entered the restroom and the lights came on.  However, Bathroom Boy was in the center stall of t
oilets.  I took an adjacent stall and took care of my business.  While I was in the stall, I could detect no movement in the adjacent stall.  No naturally occurring bodily functions, no movement, no sound of toilet paper rolling off the roll.  The only thing I noticed was the phone case attached to the belt in the stall next to me.

My desk just happens to be right outside of the restrooms on our floor.  Talk about your prime real estate. Location, location, location as they say.  It was several minutes later that Bathroom Boy eventually left the men's room.  I figure he must have been in there a good 45 minutes.  Over the next several days, I notice the pattern repeat itself every morning.

Now I enjoy a good crap as much as the next guy, but I don't think I have ever spent 45 minutes at a time on the throne.  On those occasions when I have had to take a rather long constitutional, I know that I haven't been completely still or silent.  Believe you me, there are definitely naturally occurring bodily function noises coming out of me during those times.  Makes me wonder if Bathroom Boy is just starting off his day with a quick power nap.

Now, don't get me wrong.  Most of the people that work on my floor are perfectly normal, and haven't slighted us (real or imagined) in the least.  I think it is just our way of throwing a little entertainment into our day.  There is one other nickname we have for somebody on our floor, Miss Spectacular.  I will leave it up to your imagination as to why.

Related articles

• Come on, Men! Proper Etiquette in the Men's Room/Locker Room (smartassguy.wordpress.com)
• Everybody Poops (Or How to be a Bathroom Ninja) (hilbitwrites.wordpress.com)
• Restroom Ruminations (ksbowers.wordpress.com)
• Newspapers in the Public Restroom (dysfunctionalliteracy.com)