Don't Try This At Home

A Malaysian man was apparently feeling a little inadequate in the manhood arena. He was about to get engaged in a week, and decided to try to lengthen his penis. He attached a metal nut to his penis in hopes that the weight of the nut would lenghthen his penis. Unfortunately, he got an erection, and the nut got stuck on his penis. Doctor's had to drain blood from his penis (it hurts just to think about that)and cut away the top layer of skin in order to remove the nut.

Perhaps this gentleman had never heard of "natural male enhancement." All he needed to do was follow the example of Bob and use Enzyte. At least he could have avoided the embarrasment of showing up at the emergency room with his cock stuck in a metal nut.

Another Reason to "Just Say No"

A Modesto, California man ran into a Denny's restaurant and attempted to amputate his own arm. Michael Lasiter had been shooting cocaine and thought that he had injected air into his veins. He ran into the restaurant, grabbed a butter knife and began stabbing himself in the arm. When that did not work, he grabbed a butcher knife and used it on his arm. He told police that he thought he was going to die from the cocaine injection unless he amputated his arm.

I wonder if this genius will learn a lesson from this experience. For some reason, I think not.

McCain Picks Sarah Palin

It was a big surprise to see John McCain pick Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska, to be his running mate against Obama & Biden. I saw her a couple months ago on the Glenn Beck program, and I was very impressed by her. Her appearance is embedded below. In a lot of ways, Palin makes a lot of sense for McCain and the Republican party.

First off, she is a true conservative. Most conservatives view McCain with a lot of skepticism. They view him as a moderate, and if anything, maybe even a little left of center. I heard Glenn Beck describe him as being closer to the Democrats that his grandparents would have voted for, and the Democrats of today are just too far to the left. With the Dems having two leftists on their ticket, and the Republicans having a centrist and a true conservative on their ticket, McCain/Palin may appeal more to the moderates and independents.

Second, Palin is an Evangelical Christian and will appeal to that segment that has been so important to the Republicans in recent elections. She stands for many of the issues that the Christian right believe are vital to the future of this country. Many thought that Mitt Romney would be the logical choice to run with McCain, but the evangelicals might have been turned off by his Mormonism. The only potential drawback with Palin is the possibility of chauvinistic attitudes with that segment of the population.

Third, Palin has a reputation of being a maverick and a reformer, regardless of party ties and personal consequences. When I voted for McCain in the Republican primaries eight years ago, that was the part of him that appealed to me above George W. Bush. That has been sorely missing from the McCain of 2008. Perhaps the selection of Palin is a sign of him getting back to his roots.

The Democrats will point to her lack of experience. They will say that you can not use that as a reason to not vote for Obama, and then pick her as a Vice-Presidential candidate. With John McCain's age, I can somewhat see that, but I would rather have an inexperienced #2 than an inexperienced #1 on the ticket.

A Shitty Start to the Day

This morning was kind of a shitty start to the day. I probably had too much wine last night before I went to bed (come to think of it, I have probably had too much tonight) so I woke up feeling not so good this morning. The alarm goes off at 5:00 a.m. to head to work. I had just finished getting ready for work, and was washing my hands in the bathroom. The bar of soap slips out of my hand and lands in the toilet. I could not leave the bar in the bowl and it was too big to flush. I had to reach down into the bowl to try to get the soap out of the bowl. It ended up taking me another 15 minutes before I could finally leave for work. Needless to say, that bar of soap ended up in the trash.

Our Government at Work

Mandatory "Country of Origin" labeling laws will go into effect on September 30th. The Department of Agriculture released estimates that American business will have to spend $2.5 BILLION over the next year to be in compliance for the new law. Retailers and manufacturers will be required to list the country of origin of all produce on the package label or in the bins of fresh produce. As with any new law that adds costs to a business, most, if not all of those costs will be passed on to the consumers.

I remember hearing about this law when I was still in the buying department of my local Safeway division. There was talk at that time that food packers would have to list the country of origin for every ingredient in the package. I am not sure how extensive this law goes. Originally, it was to go into effect in 2002, but it was delayed due to pressure from industry lobbyists. The law was passed this year in the 2008 Farm Bill that was originally vetoed by President Bush. However, the Democrats in Congress overrode that veto.

The thing I found most interesting is the statement from the Department of Agriculture that states that "the expected benefits are...difficult to quantify" but probably will be "small." So our illustrious leaders have implemented a program that the government agency responsible for implementing said program states has little benefit.

As we head into the electi0n season, we will hear all the rhetoric about from the Democrats about how bad big business is and how business does not care about the average American. However, it is the Democrats that will continue to enact programs like this one, and will continue to raise the taxes on corporations, which are already the highest in the industrial world. Those added costs to business always end up being passed on to the consumer, no matter how much the Democrats say they are doing it to help us.

Blues Song of the Week-Robert Cray "Right Next Door"

Over the years, I sometimes look back and remember who introduced me to various musical acts. My old high school friend, David Mills, over at the Undercoverblackman blog introduced me to the music of Prince back in thearly 80's. My youngest brother first introduced me to the music of Robert Cray.

I have always been a huge fan of Eric Clapton, and my earliest blues exposure was through EC. As fate would have it, Clapton was touring and Cray was opening up for him. My brother, bought me a pair of tickets for the concert, and one for himself. The tickets we had were great. We weren't on the floor, but we were in the front row off to one side of the stage.

Both men were spectacular. My brother decided to leave during Clapton's encore, but my buddy and I stayed. We were glad we did, because during the encore, we noticed someone was standing on the floor beneath us. It was Robert Cray. Needless to say, we shouted out to him and he turned around. We told him how much we enjoyed the show, and he reached up and shook our hands. I guess my brother left a little too early.

The first CD I ever owned of Robert Cray was Strong Persuader, and it remains my favorite Cray CD. Here he is performing the song that gave the disc its title.

I would be remiss if I did not mention Cray's appearance in the classic comedy National Lampoon's Animal House. Watch for Cray as the bass player for Otis Day & the Knights performing Shout at the Delta House.

Raising McCain

I don't particularly care too much about what entertainers have to say in regards to politics. However, this one is just kind of fun to me. So while the Democrats are busy with their little shindig in Denver, here is a little number from John Rich of Big & Rich fame.

If you like the song, it is available as a free mp3 download on John Rich's website.

The Secret to Bra Size

For those of you who ever wondered what the letters to bra sizes really mean, here you go.

Gene Upshaw 1945-2008

I was shocked this evening when I got into my car to head home from work, and the local sports talk radio station was talking about Gene Upshaw passing away. Upshaw had not been feeling well for about a week, and on Sunday his wife convinced him to go to the emergency room because his breathing was labored. At the emergency room, Upshaw received the diagnosis that he had pancreatic cancer. Four days later, he passed away at the age of 63.

Upshaw had a hall of fame football career as an offensive lineman from 1967-1981. playing his entire career with the Oakland Raiders. During his playing career, he was selected to seven Pro Bowl, was a five time first team All-Pro, and was a member of two Super Bowl Championship teams. His playing career culminated with his enshrinement into Pro Football's Hall of Fame in 1987.

Upshaw stayed close to the game in retirement becoming involved in the NFL Players Association. In 1983, he was named executive of the union. Under his leadership, he led the players through a strike in 1987. After the strike, he helped broker a deal for the players that has helped raise players salaries dramatically. Since the strike in 1987, there have been no work stoppages in the NFL, making it the longest of the major sports leagues to go without a work stoppage.

One can only hope that whoever takes over the union will have the same success as Upshaw. He was not without his critics, but one can not argue with the success the players have enjoyed over the years. One of the reasons, I believe, that the popularity of football has grown so much in recent years is because of the labor stability of the league during the Upshaw years. RIP, Gene, you will be missed.

Shot in the Head

This morning, my boss forwarded me the following article:

"Linda Burnett , 23, a resident of San Diego , was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered. Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could be irrelevant. "

OK, I know it is just an urban legend, but I thought it was funny and I wanted to share it. I was especially fond of the Democrat and Obama supporter comment.

Oh Canada!

The Democrats are big on promoting universal health care modeled after Canada's health plan. Personally, I prefer the free market approach to health care, but this post is not really about universal health care, but rather another Canadian program I could support.

The Canadian Radio-Television Telecommunications Commission (CRTR) has given approval to allow Northern Peaks to become the first pay per view channel to offer adult (porn) programming with significant Canadian content and programming. CRTR would have required Northern Peaks (love the name of the company considering their programming content) to show 15% Canadian content, but Northern Peaks is going beyond the call of duty in offering 50% Canadian programming.

So, in honor of this new Canadian venture, I wanted to post my favorite YouTube video with a Canadian theme. WARNING: The embedded video is a tad risque.

HOA From Hell

I suppose that somewhere Home Owners Associations serve some sort of useful purpose, but for the life of me I haven't seen it yet. The one for my neighborhood hasn't done much for me except take my money and send the occasional letter out to the neighborhood reminding us when we are allowed to put our trash out for pick up and where to store those trash cans. Granted, you want to have some standards in your neighborhood. You don't want the houses around you to be in total disrepair or to be overgrown with weeds and unmowed grass. So I guess they do have some use.

However, in my mind this HOA has gone just a little too far. In this particular neighborhood, the HOA is actually telling the residents the type of vehicle they can park in their driveway. Jim Greenwood bought a new Ford F-150 pickup truck and parked it in his driveway. The Stonebriar HOA has sent him three notices and threatened him with fines because his truck violates HOA rules. The HOA would allow him to park a Honda Ridgeline, Cadillac Escalade, or a Lincoln Mark LT because they are fancier and don't look so much like a truck. Mr. Greenwood argued on appeal that his Ford was not much different than the Lincoln truck and was told that "It is our belief that Lincoln markets to a different class of people."

"A different class of people?" What's next? Be careful. Next thing you know you won't be able to serve Folgers Coffee, only Starbucks. God forbid that you want to eat a Hershey's chocolate bar. Only Godiva will do for the Stonebriar HOA. Standards are fine, but this borders on snobbery at best, discrimination at worst.

Be Careful What You Name Your Kids

Jerry Seinfeld once said that if you name your kid Jeeves, you pretty much have laid out his career choice because he can't become anything other than a butler. Well consider the name of the lady pictured. Her name is Mi Sook Yoo. Mi Sook Yoo was recently arrested in a Colorado raid for running a massage parlor that was a front for prostitution. Miss Yoo was charged with pimping, keeping a place of prostitution, and pandering. If convicted, she could face up to 24 years in prison.

Blues Song of the Week-Keb Mo' "Folsom Prison Blues"

A couple years ago, my brother in law introduced me to the music of Keb Mo'. I became a big fan of his style of blues. In addition to the blues, I enjoy several different styles of music, so I am also a fan of country music, both modern and classic. So when I found this version of Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues" performed by Keb Mo' in a more traditional blues fashion, I fell in love with it. So here is this weeks Blues Song of the Week, Keb Mo' singing Folsom Prison Blues.

The Dress Looks Fine to Me

The young lady in the picture here is named Kymberly Clem. She is a 20 year old college student attending Eastern Kentucky University. Miss Clem recently purchased said dress at a shopping mall. Happy with her purchase, she wore it the next time she visited the mall. After a few minutes in the mall, she was approached by a security guard and asked to leave because her dress was too short. Seems some of the other ladies in the mall complained that Kymberly was ruining their shopping experience because their husbands were "checking her out." Hmmm. Sounds like a bit of that green monster envy rearing its ugly head.

Miss Clem has now retained counsel and is considering a suit against the mall. I mean it is a bit hypocritical for them to sell her a dress and not let her wear it back the next time she goes shopping. I usually find these types of lawsuits to be a bit much. I mean it's not like she was injured due to neglect or anything like that. In this case, however, I hope she does file suit and I hope she wins. Then I hope she takes the money and buys several more dresses to wear when she goes shopping at the mall.

New Beauty Treatment

For all the ladies out there, and any guys that are into it, there is a new facial treatment available in New York City that is supposed to make your skin softer and smoother. It is the Geisha Facial, and you can get it at the Shizuka New York day spa. The price of the facial begins at $180 dollars and is about $80 more than their regular facials. The thing that makes this facial different from all others, is that the facial is made from bird poop.

That's right folks. For nearly $200 you can pay somebody to rub bird poop on your face for about an hour. Only in America. Seriously though, the facial was developed by the owner of the spa when she remembered a story her mother told her about how the Geisha's used nightingale exrement to remove the heavy make up they wore. The facial mix is made up of dried (and sanitized) nightingale droppings and rice bran. The nightingale droppings contain the enzyme guanine which is used in some cosmetics. I think I would prefer another source than bird crap.

Tallan T-Man Latz

I found this article about Tallan T-Man Latz on Yahoo tonight. T-Man is an 8 year old blues guitarist from Wisconsin. He started playing guitar when he was 5 years old after he saw Joe Satriani on TV. The kid has played in bars and clubs and music festivals. He has jammed with Les Paul and Jackson Browne. An anonymous email to state officials claimed that club owners were violating child labor laws because T-Man is too young to play in bars. Tallan has a number of videos on YouTube, and he can seriously play the guitar. Here he is performing with Jackson Browne at the Steel Bridge Songfest in June of this year.

John Lennon's Killer Denied Parole

Good news out of the state of New York today. Mark David Chapman, was denied parole for the fifth time since he was imprisoned for his brutal execution of John Lennon on December 8, 1980. The New York State Division of Paroles denied the parole "due to concern for the public safety and welfare." Yoko Ono asked that the parole board deny his request for his own safety.

I still remember waking up to go to work and having my mother break the news to me that Lennon had been shot. In my early morning stupor, I hopefully asked if he was OK, and of course he had died. I was devastated. He had always been my favorite member of the Beatles and had just recently started a comeback with the release of "Double Fantasy" after years of being a househusband.

Mark David Chapman will be eligible for another parole review in 2010. Here is hoping that the good people of New York will continue to let locked up. I personally hope he is there the rest of his natural life.

Blues Song of the Week-Muddy Waters "Mannish Boy"

I first was exposed to Muddy Waters in the 1970's when he released his album "Hard Again" and the song "Mannish Boy" from the album was part of the Risky Business soundtrack. I had the pleasure of seeing him open up for Eric Clapton at the Capital Centre in Largo MD. What a thrill it was to see this old blues man, sitting on a stool, and just blowing the place away with traditional blues.

B.B King is often called the King of the Blues. I love B.B. King, but with all due respect, if he is the King of the Blues, then he inherited the title from Muddy Waters. Muddy had a profound influence on the rock world. He was one of the first blues musicians to incorporate the electric guitar. The Rolling Stones and Eric Clapton, among others, were heavily influenced by Muddy Waters.

I highly recommend the biography "Can't Be Satisfied: The Life and Times of Muddy Waters" by Robert Gordon. It covers the life of Muddy from his birth in the Mississippi Delta and covers his entire career until his death in 1983.

Isaac Hayes 1942-2008

Academy and Grammy award winning R&B pioneer and legend, Isaac Hayes, passed away today after a family member found him collapsed and unresponsive in his home.

Hayes was an innovator in the R&B music world. One of his trademarks was the use of the spoken word in introductions and interludes in his songs. He paved the way for the disco era, artists like Barry White, and rap. Hayes won an Academy Award and a Grammy for the "Theme From Shaft." Later in his career, Hayes provided the voice for the character Chef in the animated series "South Park."

To paraphrase the Theme From Shaft, that man Isaac was a bad mother...Shut your mouth...but I'm talking about Isaac. RIP Isaac.

Above is the smooth Isaac Hayes version of "Walk On By" and below "The Theme From Shaft."

RIP Bernie Mac

I was shocked to see the headline that Bernie Mac had passed away at the relatively young age of 50 due to complications from pneumonia. I did not follow Mac's career closely, but I always enjoyed watching him. While I wasn't exposed to all his work, I had seen enough to know what kind of performer he was. That's is why I was so surprised at the outrage and controversy when Bernie Mac spoke at a Barack Obama rally. After all, if you are going to have a comedian of Bernie Mac's ilk speak at a rally, you are going to get, well, Bernie Mac. To think otherwise is to be naive or disingenuous.

Anyway, in tribute to Mac, here he is at his finest.

Where are you on the political map?

Here is a fun little test that shows where you are on the political landscape? I identified closely with the Libertarian party. No big surprise to me.

Men's Room Etiquette

This definitely goes against every piece of men's room etiquette that I have ever heard of. Most of the guys I know don't talk at all when taking care of business.

Poetic Justice

Let me start this post by stating that I do not own a gun, and I do not want one. Having said that, I would not deny any law abiding citizen their right to keep and bear arms. I do believe there is some truth in the bumper sticker "If you outlaw guns, then only outlaws will have guns." After all, DC had a handgun ban for years and still had a high rate of gun violence. That is why I always feel a sense of poetic justice whenever I see an article where an armed robber gets shot by his victims.

My Blogging Experiment

Well, this is the beginning of my blogging experiment. Primarily, I will be posting about news, sports, and events that happen to catch my interest. I hope that you will find things entertaining and informative.