Happy Birthday!

19 years ago today, I found myself in the car at 2:00 AM driving my very pregnant wife to the hospital in a spring rain.  She woke me shortly after 1:00 to tell me that she thought that her water had broke.  Once we got to the emergency room, we discovered that, in fact, her water had broke, but she wasn't quite ready to deliver.  So they took her to a room, and we waited.

After a few hours, they made the decision to induce labor.  It took a while to get the dosage right.  At first, they gave her too much of the drug and her contractions started too strongly and too quickly.  So, they backed off on the IV and my wife was able to get a little rest before all the real fun would begin.  Around 6:00-7:00 PM my wife started pushing in earnest.  Shortly before 9:00 my son entered the world.

It was without a doubt the proudest moment in my life.  The entire time my wife was pregnant, I steadfastly declared that I did not care one way or the other what the sex of our child was going to be.  One he came out and I was told we had a boy, I have to confess that my chest stuck out a little bit further.

Over the years, it has been quite an adventure.  From birth to about 2 years of age, our son appeared to be completely normal.  He was hitting all of his milestone markers on time and in a lot of cases early.  Then all of a sudden around his second birthday things changed.  His progress became delayed. We got him involved in early special education classes where a specialist from the school system came to the house a couple days per week.  By his 3rd birthday he started taking a bus to a school for children with special needs.

In the intervening years, there have been a lot of emotions and struggles.  There was a lot of denials about the  final diagnosis of autism.  I struggled a lot at times.  You see, I have always been considered a smarter than average person.  I was a nearly straight A student, always made the honor roll, and participated in talented and gifted programs.  I thought, "How could my child be mentally delayed?  He has my genes."

A few years ago, we made the difficult decision to try to get him into a residential school program.  It was one of the hardest decisions we ever made.  Several of the struggles and challenges of adjusting to this decision have been chronicled here on this blog.  It has been one of the best things that we ever did for our son.  At one point, I always thought that my son would live with us as long as we could care for him.  Now we look to the day when he will graduate in 2015 and enter a group home.

Today, we drove out to see him to celebrate his 19th birthday.  We decided that we would throw a little pizza party for him, his dorm mates, and the dorm staff.  One year ago, we couldn't get him to touch pizza.  The only thing he would eat was chicken, bacon, potato chips and Cheez-it crackers.  In fact, my wife and I couldn't eat pizza in front of him because he would gag.  Today, he ate six big slices of pizza, more than my wife and I combined.  We even offered him boneless wings and he chose more pizza.

Even with all of the progress he has made, he still has a long way to go.  For example, he still has not gotten to the point where he will have a bowel movement on the toilet.  I never really liked changing his diapers when he was a baby, changing Depends now isn't any fun either. He still has several undesirable behavioral issues.  He will drop to the floor if he doesn't want to do something.  He still hits at people and throws his glasses.  It has been a struggle and will probably always will.  I wouldn't change a thing.

Everyday Heroes

Crest of the Order of St. Benedict (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There are some people that if you passed them on the street, you would never give them a second glance or thought.  Ordinary looking people that do not look like anything special.  The type of person who you would never think would have a lasting impact on the world.  Sister Jeannette Murray was one of those people.

Sister Jeannette was a nun of the order of St. Benedict.  She was a member of the Saint Gertrude Monastery in Ridgely, MD.  Sister Jeannette began her career as a teacher, specifically in the field of Special Education. In 1960, she landed at the Benedictine School for Exceptional Children to teach kids with special needs.  It also happens to be the school that my son now attends and my nephew graduated from.

Sister Jeannette was a tireless advocate for those that she labeled "her kids."  Through her guidance and perseverance, the Benedictine School has become one of the top schools in the country, much less the state of Maryland, for children with special needs.  But the school is not the only thing that Sister Jeannette was a big part of.

As the kids grew and left the school, they still needed a place to go where they could lead productive lives.  So, the Benedictine Community also took a leading roll in establishing a vibrant open community for adults building several group homes and establishing a number of vocational programs for adults with special needs.  My personal favorite is the Busy Bees Bakery in Denton MD.  They make a mean pumpkin roll.

Sadly, on Thursday, March 21, Sister Jeannette passed away, perhaps fittingly, on the day of the Feast of the Passing of Saint Benedict.  Thankfully, Sister Jeannette got to see the last piece of the puzzle completed before she was called home.  The Benedictine Foundation recently dedicated two new retirement homes for her children who are approaching that stage of life.

Sister Jeannette barely stood 5 feet tall, and I would hazard to guess that she didn't tip the scales at 100 pounds unless you slipped some rocks in her pocket.  Still, her impact will last well beyond her years on earth.  The Benedictine Foundation is on solid ground with a group of people who are passionate about carrying on the work of Sister Jeannette.

My initial interactions with Sister Jeannette were not positive.  My son was having a difficult time adjusting to the school when he first started to attend the school.  However, in the last year, Sister Jeannette told us how much he had grown.  She even went so far as to say that he was her "buddy."

Sister Jeannette will never be known like Mother Theresa but her impact on those she came in contact with will last as long as the impact that Mother Theresa had.  May you rest in peace, Sister Jeannette.  I am sure you will be continuously watching over your kids in the Benedictine Community from above.  God bless you for all you have done, especially for my son and my nephew.

End of the School Year

On Father's Day, we will be picking our son up from school, thus completing his first school year away from home.  Unlike most school kids, my son will only be home a couple weeks.  With his special education needs, he has always had extended school years.  He gets a couple weeks off in June, goes back in July, and gets another couple weeks off in June.

Deciding to send our son away to school was one of the toughest things that we have ever had to do.  As much as we miss having him around the house we know he is in a good place, and he is at the school that we want him to be at.  Below is a letter from the National Association of Special Education Teachers that was awarded to his school.  His school is one of only 52 in the entire United States that has been designated a school of excellence.  It pretty much sums up why we are glad he is there.